Just came back from dinner with an old friend of mine, and had a long chat about our love lives. Yeah, emo and gay. But it feels good to share these emotions once in a while. I’m still straight.

I realized that as people age and mature, their outlook towards love begins to dilute and soon relationships becomes more of an accessory than a necessity. Which isn’t a bad thing, because when we’re young we tend to put too much on an emphasis on the superficial layers of love rather than having faith in its substance. I’m actually envious of what she had – a relationship that she is comfortable in, that doesn’t distract her away from her own life and her own personal space but rather complements it and brightens her days.

Isn’t this what love is meant to be? Unobstrusive, supportive and subtle? I don’t need a relationship where we argue and then make love after that everyday. Not a roller coaster ride, not declarations of love and poems and flowers everyday, not romance every hour. Just a simple faith in each other and the constant strive to improve the relationship, knowing when to step back and when to push forward. A tango if you will.

I’ve been through relationships that I end up crawling away from, bruised and battered. And along the path I broke many hearts, shattered dreams and ended lives. Perhaps this is the cost I had to pay for not taking relationships seriously enough, that I jump into one too hastily that I forget to properly look at the person that I’m falling in love with and decide whether that girl is the real one I NEED? Love can be deceiving sometimes, for it is an emotion that overwhelms one easily. And I, with weak willpower, have been overwhelmed many times, and after that I could not keep up with the responsabilities that come with it.

Now I know. I need a girl who understands what freedom means. A girl who understands what having your own space and privacy means, and a girl who knows what respect and honor still means in this era of cynicism and darwinism. Somebody who understands that when she takes a step back, that’s when I’ll compromise and reward her doubly for her wisdom, and somebody who is responsible for her every action and knows not to blame others when things go wrong. That’s the girl I’ll be searching for, the one that I can easily fall in love with.

And oh, she must have big boobs.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 17th, 2008 at 1:15 am and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.